I always find it fascinating when I see people speeding on the highway. I’ll be traveling 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, or a little less (lol), and I’ll see cars speed passed me on the highway at crazy speeds. Then, suddenly, the brake lights come on and I notice an officer sitting on the side of the highway waiting to stop someone who is breaking an ordinance. It fascinates me because speeding is not the right thing to do, yet so many do it. They know it is wrong, because as soon as someone in charge is watching, they slow down. BUT they do not slow down because they know it’s wrong; they slow down, because they don’t want to face the consequences for their actions. If they can stay away from consequences, they can keep doing what they do.
Yet and still, we do not want our kids speeding. It scares the crap out of us what can happen if they decide to speed. But we do it…but it is different, because we’re older, right? It’s different because we know how to break the rules better than they do, right?
It is the same with drunk driving. I hear people all the time talk about folks who drive drunk. How irresponsible it is, and how they put other people’s lives at risk. I quit drinking almost 18 years ago and it is only by God’s graces that I did not hurt myself or someone else.
These same people will drink and drive. I happen to believe that one drink is one drink too many. It takes a person out of their fully present self. The brain is not fully functional. My thought is that even with one drink, if I got into an accident, I do not ever want alcohol to be a party to the accident. Ever. But to the people who drink and drive, in their minds “it is different. I know how to manage my alcohol. I know how to drive drunk.” Yet and still, you know it is wrong, but you still do it and judge other people.
Yet and still, we would be horrified if our kids had one drink and drove. We would tear apart the fabric in our couches waiting to get a phone call that our kids made it home okay if we knew they were driving with one drink. Yet, we do it time and time again, and cannot make the connection as to why our kids would choose to do it, even though we told them not to.
The act of doing things that we know are wrong and then justifying why has been a part of our culture for centuries. All our history that we learn in school about wars and conflicts are all based on this. We justify why harm had to come to innocent people.
But we forget so many times how we are being watched, not just by those who are looking for someone to lead them, but if we’re parents, by our kids, no matter how grown they are. When we justify behavior, when we run away from situations that require being present even if being present is difficult, when we blame others, no matter WHAT WE SAY TO THEM, they will do what we do. They will act as we act.
My son some years ago worked for a woman at a summer job. He made friends with everyone who he worked with and said that the job itself was a lot of fun. However, there was an African American young man who did not have the same experience (my son is half African American and Greek, so it can be a little confusing what background he has). My son said that the woman treated this young man like he was just “the help” and did everything she could to keep this young man away from the rest of the crew. My son saw how he was suffering, and he told me he hated it. He said that he would get yelled at and treated so badly and it was obvious he was being treated that way because he did not look like the rest of the team. In my son’s words, it broke his heart.
Now, my son could have finished out his time and decided not to do anything. He could have just stayed silent and walked away and do nothing. Instead, my son corralled everyone and decided that they would all walk out on the last day, including this young man. I cry as I write this because my son’s words were that he wanted this man to know that somebody had his back. That he was not alone. That people would stand up for him, no matter how difficult it would be to face the consequences. All of them walked out…together. And this young man felt like a world of pain had been lifted off his shoulders. He did not just find friends…he found advocates. He found family.
I know where my son got this. Since the time I began the journey of changing my life in 2004, the main thing that I wanted to instill in my son is the importance of understanding that it is not enough to say that something is wrong. We have a responsibility to stand up, even if we are alone. I want him to know that in any moment of trial where he is being treated badly, he has the right and the power to stand up and say “ENOUGH“, even if he has no one standing beside him. What he knows for sure, is that in that moment, I will absolutely be in his corner.
Now I’m not suggesting that grabbing a group of folks to walk out of a job is the right way to go. As we get older, it’s harder to find that group of people who will support you. However, the door to change remains locked when we don’t use the key to open it. The key is admitting that something has to be changed. everyone has the key. You don’t have to ask anyone for it. The beauty in all of this? When you use your key, someone else will realize they have a key. When Rosa Parks stayed in her seat and wouldn’t give it up to someone who didn’t look like her, any reasonable person could deduct that she was throwing keys at people so that they too could open that door.
Speaking words and saying what one feels about what’s wrong with the world and what’s wrong with their circumstance or what is wrong with what happens to others is all good, but without actions, it’s just words. What if Jesus just decided to talk? What if he just stayed comfortably in his own confines speaking and doing nothing? He went to where it was uncomfortable and unpopular to say and DO what needed to be said and DONE. No matter what religion anyone follows, or even if you follow no religion, that lesson is one that all of us can learn from.
I know where my standing up came from, and I know the day it started. It is ingrained in me. It is a part of who I am. It is not something I try to do. When it’s necessary, it is automatic. At the time, it seems like a selfish act. It seems like I don’t think it through, but I do. Nothing in this world ever changed for the better when someone said a bunch of words and did nothing.
Do something today. Decide to stand up. Decide to be that person who says what is wrong. Have those difficult discussions. Do not run away. In the result of all things, having your kids or anyone tell you “I was able to defend myself and others because I saw you do the same” is the most beautiful testament to who you are. Of your talents, using your platform defending the defenseless is what people will remember about you. Remember when your parents told you “Actions speak louder than words?”
As much as we do not want to admit it, they were right. Quite frankly, if your parents did nothing, those words are the most important words you will ever use.
If anyone gets a chance, watch the attached video “The Man Who Planted Trees.” This man hardly spoke a word but for all of his life was defined by his actions. His kindness, and his need to make the world a better place was defined by his deciding early in his life to plant trees. His life was defined by actions, not words.
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