So today has been a day, to say the least. A lot went down.
When I say that, I am not privy to talking about what happened in a tangible sense. I am talking about internally.
I find it interesting how we teach people to just take what is handed to them. How we teach folks to not speak up; don't say how you feel; act like everything is okay, and maybe...just maybe it will be okay if you will it to be that way.
Let's be real...things are not always 100%. So we have to allow ourselves to deal with what is not okay. To deal with what is not okay, you have to admit that...yeah, you guessed it...what's not okay. Now, in some instances, you must ask yourself if what you want to say is worth saying, or if it is something that needs to wait. Most of the time, it can wait. However, in some instances, speaking up is necessary. It is essential not just to one’s own survival, but also, to the survival of humanity. Every single thing that has changed in this world for the better changed because somebody said something. Rosa Parks stood up...Bill Cosby's victims spoke up one by one...they faced tremendous backlash. But they realized that the payback from releasing the truth was far more worth whatever monetary or professional attachment they may lose.
Another reality I have come to realize is that when we make a decision to speak on, on behalf of ourselves or others, we have to ask ourselves what it's for. What is it that we are looking for? I had some of those choices today. When I realized that some of my intentions for speaking out were to hurt rather than to help - hence, something that wasn't connected to love of self or others - I chose not to do it.
What I did do though was speak out on my behalf. It's been a long time since I've made a decision that helped me find my inner strength. For the first time ever, I didn't think about anyone else...I thought about the love and care that I've fostered for myself, and I chose to continue that loving relationship by paying attention to my spiritual, emotional, and physical health. I had to understand that I had the choice to be somewhere where I didn't have to question how people really felt. I didn't have to be somewhere that created confusion with what I was not only capable of doing, but with what I had already done. I could be somewhere supportive. I could make that choice.
And I did.
Now, I've been told over the years that my choices are off the cuff, and sometimes create a lot of drama. Well, that could very well be for others.
But I need to let the world know that the truth should not ever create drama for the person telling it. If it creates trauma for the people hearing it, that is not a me problem. That is a them problem.
There is pain. There are tears. There is hurt. There is disappointment when you make the choice to speak out on behalf of others, and yourself. There is also all of this when you realize the truth about some things that you kind of knew, but just didn’t have all of the answers to, until now. But what a beauty to know that no matter what the outcome, no one can ever say that you didn't do what needed to be done when it mattered most, not just to others, but to you.
I heard in a song today that had the lyrics "There is no substitute for the truth; either it is or it isn't. You see the truth needs no proof, either it is or it isn't."
Well today - the truth was...and it wasn't. Regardless, I told it.
And today, I am proud of myself. For telling the truth to myself.
I have to make mention, because I don't think I give him enough props. My husband is a king. He called me at least 4 times checking on me, and told me "Honey, I support you and am behind you 100%." He didn't call me crazy. He didn't talk about how worried he was about the outcome. He told me that he was proud of me and that he had my back 100%.
What is important in life is understanding that truth can only be recognized on the outside, by first recognizing it on the inside.
The only thing that separates us is love or no love – for self or others. Period. You either do and say things with love or without it.
I’m proud I do all I do with love. And that is the honest to God truth.
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