The past few weeks have been extremely difficult. A lot has changed in my life, and quite frankly, I had a lot of growing up to do. I had to make some difficult, hard decisions that I didn’t want to make (usually, the hard decisions are the ones you don’t want to make!). A lot of change happened very quickly and adjustments to life had to be made. For me, it wasn’t too difficult, only because in my own life from childhood to now, change came with the rising of the sun. Life was in fact like a box of chocolates. I know that the constant change at times could be challenging to my husband.
What I know now is how much I’ve grown in the past, I’d say, 10 years. It doesn’t mean I haven’t made my share of mistakes. But it does mean that I have become automatic in my responses to things that require that type of response, meaning, when it’s time to walk away, I walk away now, whereas in the past I’d try to stick it out. My spirit knows when it’s time and I listen to it. I know when honesty has to be shared because no matter how difficult honesty is at times, saying nothing, which sometimes can be deemed dishonest and telling a lie only results in either non-production or production of awful circumstances that could have been avoided by being, well, honest. I know my value. I know what I bring to the table and I won’t allow anyone to be the precipitating factor in how I feel. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” is one my most favorite quotes from Eleanore Roosevelt. I’m simply no longer consenting.
The growing has not been only by my own volition. I am highly receptive to growth. I understand that growth can only truly happen if you allow other people to “water” your garden. There is nothing I’ve accomplished on my own. There have always been people who have helped me along the way.
But today, i have to give some serious props to my husband, Mark Zolecki. This man…and right now as I write this, it’s hard for me to even come up with a description because the joy I feel when I write about him is immense.
I met Mark in 2012. The first telephone conversation I had with him when I was in my early 40’s was one that was full of so much laughter, I have a hard time remembering a moment within our 3 hour conversation where I wasn’t laughing. It had been YEARS since I laughed like that. I felt like I was in high school every single time I’d hear the phone ring and see it was him. When he was on his way home from work, he always stopped at my house. I remember one time, we decided to go to the grocery store before he went home and Mark had everyone laughing in the aisles. Everyone. Every single moment we had was one that was full of butterflies and smiles and laughter. I loved that he was so inviting to everyone. I loved that people were attracted to his inclusiveness and charm. I loved standing in the background and watching this grown man dance to an 80’s funk tune at a bowling ally and watching the ladies tell him “GO HEAD” as they clapped and laughed. I had never seen someone who was so connected to bringing joy to others like Mark. He Isn’t afraid to do it. It is a part of who he is.
When his mom became severely ill with cancer, I watched this man bring so much joy to his mother‘s final months on earth. Every single day, he was with her after work, not because of something he wanted to get out of it; but because he wanted her to know he was there, taking care of her and making her feel as whole as she could. One particular night was notable for me. At the time, i didn’t cry about it because I didn’t want to be too dramatic…he washed her feet and massaged them one night and I thought to myself this 6 foot something man has knelt down to wash his mom’s feet in her moment of need. I knew I loved him before I saw that, but man, that was truly notable.
After his mom passed, Mark and I ran into some trouble and had a lot of things to figure out. As individuals, we were committed to growth, which is the only way that we were able to grow as a couple. I didn’t expect him to fix my challenges, and he didn’t expect me to fix his. What we gave to each other at that time was support, encouragement and a sense of seeing things from a different perspective that we hadn’t thought about before. Remember when I wrote earlier that I am receptive to growth? When you have two people in a relationship who are receptive to growing as individuals, the possibilities are endless.
A lot has happened over the last 10 years (June 29 of this year will be the 10 year anniversary of our first date). My son’s accident, the pandemic, breast cancer scare, loss…tremendous loss, job changes, traumatic events, disconnections and confusion.
But through all of this, we’ve managed to maintain a very important part of who we are as Mark and Rhonda, and who we are as a married couple. There are reasons for this in terms of who I am, and I write about myself all of the time (I’m aware I can be a little overbearing with my self descriptive posts). But in terms of who Mark is…
Courageous Selfless. Loyal. Mature. Sexy. Vulnerable. Undeniably intelligent. Loving. Responsible. Handles his business...basically…he is anything and everything a man is and should be.
Mark and I have had a lot of conversations over the past few weeks about a lot of things. We’ve had to reveal some hard truths in order to move in a forward direction. Lots of tears have been shed. Lots of talks have been had.
But to hear from my husband’s mouth “I’m proud of you” or ”I support you” or “We’ll be okay. Don’t worry“ followed by the best hugs that a man could ever give and instead of judging my tears as being overly dramatic, drying them…has made me realize the gift I’ve been given in my husband and I have not spent enough time telling him how much of a gift he is.
It Is Friday morning on Friday, April 22, 2022 at 5:35am. My husband and I have been up since 4am talking over a cup of coffee. We literally have been talking about what it means to be a man. “Being a man isn’t doing man things and acting as if the world is okay and not responding to what is happening around you. Being a man is being sensitive, being aware, responding to bad things.” He mentioned to me how my step son told him that the best lesson he was taught by Mark was when Mark took his son out of a baseball game that he was coaching because my step son became upset and threw his glove after pitching. My step son told him he wasn’t trying to teach him about baseball, he was trying to teach him about life. Mark and I talk like this all of the time. And over the past month, we’ve been talking like this, with honesty and openness that I probably hadn’t really focused on for quite awhile.
My husband told me when he proposed to me in the most beautiful way right before Christmas in 2014 that he had never met anyone like me before and he didn’t want to let that feeling of being with someone like me go. He told me how smart I am, how beautiful I am, and how worthy of a good life I am and he wanted to be a part of giving that to me (saying it that way because he knew that he could not be the only one responsible for giving me a good life). He told me that I made him feel like a man. I just kept asking him “What are you doing?” Because at that point I didn’t really believe what he was saying, and I didn’t believe that I truly had that impact in his life.
Well..I do now. And I realize now that it’s time for me to consent to accepting who he says I am. If I could just take a moment to help him consent to who he is…
My husband is the most corageous, amazing man I’ve ever known and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I will spend the rest of my days honoring this beautiful friendship that I’ve been blessed with. Mark Zolecki rocks.
I love you:)
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