When I was in High School, I had a tough time. I have to say, my mother was amazing. She had so very little monetarily, but she sacrificed a lot to make sure that my sister and I got to the events that we needed to get to in order to get the full experience out of high school. It was difficult, but she really, really worked hard to make it work.
I was in girl's choir, and a few music groups that really helped me stay stationary in my mind. Singing and feeling as if I was a part of something that I felt the most confident doing was something I needed for validation. It was very difficult to get to rehearsals and even sometimes, certain events, but again, my mom paid so much money to get us there, often times sacrificing things we really needed for the sake of not putting us in a position to be ridiculed or judged.
Well, we got there - but boy the judging part - we got that too. There are people who believed many reasons for why I wasn't at rehearsal. There were many people who thought that I was in general irresponsible and not on top of my game. In all honesty, not EVERYONE believed this, but a select few did. Some were really pivotal in helping us rather than judging us, but many were not.
It wouldn't be until I missed a choir class early in the morning on a Friday that the truth would come out. My choir director spoke with some of the girl's choir members about his disappointment with my inability to be some places that I needed to be. One friend of mine - who by the way I JUDGED early on - came to my defense.
"Did you know that Rhonda and her family have been living in a shelter? Did you know that Rhonda's mom often times sacrifices meals for the family - giving them cab fare to get to events that you tell her if she doesn't make it to, she'll be kicked out? Did you know that Rhonda works nearly every day to help out in the household, often times coming to school with no sleep, because she knows she HAS to work, and HAS to go to school?" We were going to food pantries. We were walking to the places we needed to be. My mom? She was the hardest worker of all. She would catch the bus every morning to work from Stillwater to St. Paul. It took one hour and 45 minutes for her to get there on the bus. No one knew at that time what we were really going through. We hid it well - you could say out of embarrassment, or out of our need to make it seem that we were just like everybody else. But I think it was really because we needed to get it done, and wasting time telling everyone our story, or trying to justify our lives seemed like a waste of time.
Improving oneself takes an innate self awareness that many people do not have. We often times surround ourselves with people who will just agree with everything we say and believe. If we find someone who challenges our beliefs, that group will often times judge and ostracize that individual because they don't want to have their beliefs challenged. Why don't people who judge want to be shown something different and given the opportunity to learn something new?
Because knowing and modifying oneself takes work. It means that you have to change all that you've allowed yourself to know. It means that you have to go places that are uncomfortable so that you can base your mindset on experience rather than by what others tell you, or making judgments from a comfortable distance which takes NO work. I have NEVER met a person who judges others who is completely happy with themselves. I never have.
The most amazing periods of my life have been defined in those times when I got to know someone who I otherwise would have made an autobiography of with absolutely no experience to back it up. When my beliefs were changed, it didn't make me feel bad; it made me feel happy for a couple reasons. One, because I gained a new understanding and knowledge about something I knew nothing about, and TWO, and most importantly, I was happy that my mind was open to the opportunity to learn something different than what I had, up until that point, allowed myself to learn.
Bottom Line: If you want to find true happiness, stop judging others and get to know them. Put the responsibility on yourself to go where others won't go; to change your own narrative into something positive; to be honest about what you've allowed yourself to believe. You would be amazed at how much more you could know about those people and places that you mindlessly make into an enemy. You would also be amazed at the influence that you would have on changing the minds of those agreeing people who you have become so comfortable with for so many years.
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