I watched a video on YouTube last week that centered around the 7 mind games that are played by a true narcissist. This video was made by Dr. Les Carter, a psychotherapist with lots of years and experience in dealing with narcissists.
As I watched the video, I was taken aback by knowing how much of this I have allowed in my life. Narcissists often will create an awful situation, that includes all of the information I’m going to list below. The manipulation comes into play when those very narcissists will make their target feel responsible for their bad behavior, thus, creating at times a feeling of accountability on the part of the person they’re targeting. The biggest game is as the target continues to do everything
possible to gain the approval of the narcissist, the narcissist will continue to act out inappropriately and has no intentions on gaining any favor with their target. The goal is not to find functional resolution. It is to find the best avenue toward control and to be blameless.
I am listing this information below that Dr. Carter mentioned as a way for you to be aware of who you are dealing with if you have a situation that follows this pattern. It can be internally destructive and cause discord, not just within yourself, but with everyone who surrounds you. When you become aware that this is what is going on, you MUST ACT ON IT and make the decision to separate yourself from this behavior. It will not improve, unless YOU act. The narcissist will do nothing.
I must also make mention that pedophiles are common narcissists. They have to be, in order to manipulate their victims, the victim’s community of family and friends, and their fans. It is common for pedophiles to follow this same pattern well after the abuse has ended.
I wish you good luck!
1) A narcissist will always start the relationship with “I want you to trust me.” They will act friendly and interested, but they are not. It’s a mind game. You will begin to pour your soul out to them, and share your experiences in hopes that they will begin to understand who you are and what you represent. In actual fact, they are taking notes in order to find ways to twist your existence, and turn into someone you’re not.
2) They will begin to establish an upper hand over you. You will be at events with the narcissist where they will tell what they call jokes but are in actual fact insults about you, preventing you from responding in kind. They will criticize everything you do, everything your family does – and always will stand in the frame of knowing they could do it much better than you.
3) They begin to instill fear. They like it when you fear them because that gives them control. They begin to become very stubborn and judgmental with strong emotions emerging. They will exhibit critical STRONG anger against you. They will back off from any truths that exist by pushing back and becoming more angry and emotional.
4) They will sabotage you behind your back. Narcissists like to isolate you from individuals, so you don’t have any strong allies or supporters. They will speak out about you in a non-flattering way when someone makes a flattering statement. Someone may say “You know, Cindy really looks very nice today.” The response from the narcissist will be “Yeah, she has to work very hard at it – underneath, she’s a horrible person.”
5) They will ONLY find flaws and hold it against you. They may seem understanding when you share something that is a bit of a challenge for you. They are taking notes and preparing to throw it in your face.
6) They will portray themselves as the victim. They will consider themselves blameless, will say that their intentions were always good ones, and the most important one – they will say things that are founded on “If I erred, YOU are to blame.”
7) They turn life into duty and obligation. They don’t turn life into choices; they turn things into “you have to and/or you must.” Their lives are centered around rules, not choices.
Things to remember once you realize that you are dealing with a narcissist or narcissists:
1) Don’t give them the reaction they want. Be calm and stern. If you cannot give calm responses, walk away and don’t remain in that environment.
2) Confrontation is key. Be reasonable and call them out for their bad behavior.
3) Don’t get pulled into a narcissistic argument. Narcissists have no intentions on fixing anything or finding a mutual resolution.
4) Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.
5) If the situation is becoming one that is unsafe and a harm to you, WALK AWAY.
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