Last night, I had a gig in Illinois. I always try to figure out with things that I don't normally do, "Why am I here for real? Whose life is meant to be impacted?"
I love gigging with Sam Savage because he's such a good person, and he is adamant about pleasing people and his whole presence is there for that purpose. We were having a good time with the crowd when a man approached Sam and me. Sam was in the middle of performing a song, so I approached the man to see what he wanted. He asked that we sing "Happy Birthday" to his wife, Lisa, as a surprise. He said her birthday is on Thursday, but he wanted us to sing Happy Birthday to her early. She stepped out for a minute and we anxiously awaited her return.
His wife returned as Sam was in the middle of another tune. As soon as she got comfortable, Sam introduced the singing of Happy Birthday to this woman. It was a long introduction - and as soon as Sam said her name, she began crying. We sang Happy Birthday along with the rest of the audience, and it was clear how touched she was.
When the gig ended, I said my goodbyes to everyone and approached this woman who told me that her birthday is normally just a non-event, and it never even crossed her mind that anyone would acknowledge her in this way. She contacted her mother to tell her how touched she was. She explained to me that the moment was BIGGER than we could know and how much it meant to her.
When I got to my hotel room, I was a little confused about what this whole thing meant. What we're supposed to be doing. How we reconnect with others as we desperately try to reconnect or even just connect for the first time with ourselves.
I had a wonderful night's rest and packed my stuff up early. For some reason, I had a little bit of an icky, scary feeling in my heart like something was leaving, or someone was leaving, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Soo....I went on my way, leaving the hotel at about 5:45 am, in some snowy slippery weather, and of course, the triggering of the moment was in full throttle until I started listening to a familiar song on my ride home called "The Horses" from Rickie Lee Jones, one of my most favorite musicians. The first verse goes like this:
We will fly
Way up high
Where the cold wind blows
Or in the Sun
Laughing having fun
With all the people that she knows
And if the situation should keep us separated
You know the world won't fall apart
And you will free the beautiful bird
That's caught inside your heart
Can't you hear her?
Oh, she cries so loud
Casts her wild note
Over the water and cloud
This is a song I remember hearing in the early 2000's when I was trying to move on from a situation. I remember just crying, and this was before I quit drinking and before I chose to begin the process of FINDING who I already was; not being re-born. I was already born...I just needed to believe that my existence, purely for the fact that I was born, was relevant.
So for the rest of my slow ride home, I just talked to and nurtured myself, and went through many periods of my life where good happened. If a thought about a mistake crept in, I stopped beating myself to the ground which I have become so used to doing, and I began to try and just understand the why behind some of those choices so that I can make the decision not to make those choices again. I did a lot of crying. I listened to the Braveheart soundtrack and reminded myself of my first international speaking gig in Scotland, and the feeling I had of dreaming that I would be there, and then actually being there, thinking about overlooking those amazing landscapes and just being overcome with the enormous beauty that I was witnessing. I took my hand, put it on my heart, and said "Rhonda, I am proud of you."
You see, I've made quite a few mistakes but the beauty in being me is that I don't just say I've made mistakes; I do so much to make myself better and learn lessons from them, not just for myself but for others. And this year, I am going to take what I've learned and DO better, appreciate better, take in better, and be present better.
We had many people who loved the gig last night, a lot of whistles and bells, and lots of stuff going on. But I was laser-focused on the simplistic beauty of this moment where a Happy Birthday changed someone's life.
And I've had many moments like this that I need to focus my energies on.
My drive back from my gig in a few crazy snow storms, and early morning drunk drivers on this January 1, took about 2 hours. I drove into my garage and upon getting out of my car, I noticed a shiny emblem on the ground. I bought an emblem some years ago for a group outing that happened without me. I purchased the emblems for each person to describe who they are. They were encouraging messages meant to give people a positive image of who they are. I thought the emblem I got for myself was long gone, but there it was; on the garage ground on the opposite side of where the saying is just shining.
The message on the emblem was clear: Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just
remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.
When we talk about coincidences, we are really talking about spiritual messages that come from a space of vulnerability and freedom. Horses are not meant to be ridden. They are not born to carry the burden of others. They are born to be free and to roam and run and live and to be receptive to the love they deserve. That is what I'm doing. When a horse runs freely, it is showing itself how much it deserves.
I'm by no means a horse:) But, I can't be held captive like one anymore. A horse when held captive has to wait for its captors to release it, unfortunately.
I had to wait too, only the person who had to release me was ME.
And that thing that I thought was leaving that made me feel icky? It was my old thinking. And even if old thinking is damaging, it is scary to let go of things that you had always felt used to having.
I remember clearly now how far I've come. For the first time, I can clearly see how far I can really go.
Happy New Year 2025!
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